Managing High Conflict Parenting Disputes
A common feature in many parenting disputes is that either or both parents find themselves in perpetual and recycling states of conflict with the other parent. As a result, whether a required decision is relatively easy or hard, the parents are unable to find a consensus and decisions generally only come when one parent gives into the constant badgering or obstruction from the other. In such cases, how does the Court then manage the dispute?
Whilst every case is obviously slightly different from any other, the Court’s general approach can be summarised as follows:
- The Court’s focus is always on the best interest of the children;
- Where conflict is high, the children’s best interests would not be served by giving each parent equal time and forcing the children to move between two war zones; and
- If one parent is the only or predominant agitator, it unfortunately becomes the responsibility of the other parent to absorb any aggression and become the voice of calm and reason so that the Court can have confidence that the situation will improve.
Whilst it is certainly very frustrating to see the trouble-making parent seemingly win out over the solution focused peace-keeping parent by simply making more trouble, it has to be accepted that no one is ever truly innocent in creating a relationship breakdown. At one time and in one way or another, each parent will have contributed to the mess and the reality is that some parents heal faster than others.
In dispute resolution it is a common saying that “we can only move as fast as the slowest person in the room.” Accordingly, if it is the case that one parent is struggling to adjust to a new post-separation co-parenting regime and wants to keep up the fight in retaliation for past hurts, that is simply something that has to be worked through rather than instantaneously invalidated and dismissed.
Ultimately though, if the troublemaker keeps it up and doesn’t wake up to themselves, the Orders which are proposed by the solution focused peace-keeping parent who demonstrates a better attitude towards working with the other parent generally wins the day and perhaps more importantly, a better relationship with the children.
Michael Zande is a Queensland Law Society Accredited Family Law Specialist with over 30 years’ experience in the field. He is the principal at Zande Law Solicitors, Suite 9, Norwinn Centre, 15 Discovery Drive, North Lakes. To contact Michael for advice, phone (07) 3385 0999.
The information in this article is merely a guide and is not a full explanation of the law. This firm cannot take responsibility for any action readers take based on this information. When making decisions that could affect your legal rights, please contact us for professional advice.