How to let the kids have their say

After a relationship breakdown, it’s important for parents to consider the future arrangements for their kids. This can be problematic if relying too much on the child’s perspective. Experts tell us that children often say what they believe each parent wants to hear, resulting in conflicting information being presented to both parents. The result of this (usually unintentional) behaviour from children is that both adults think that they are adhering to the child’s wishes, but they are negotiating the arrangements based on different information, leading to inconsistencies. Therefore, it’s important to try and find the balance between allowing children to express their wishes, having regard to their maturity levels, and avoiding putting too much pressure on them.

An effective approach to addressing this issue is to partake in a ‘child inclusive mediation,’ where the kids meet with an independent consultant who is usually an expert in social work or child psychology. This consultant allows the children to express their views without pressure. The consultant then relays the child’s views to the parents during mediation. This process helps to identify any areas of concern and ways in which the children can be best supported moving forward. With this insight, parents can negotiate more effectively, leading to an agreement that genuinely reflects their children’s needs and wishes.

Child-inclusive mediations are particularly effective as children grow older or if one parent has been rejected and the adults cannot agree on why this is occurring. The major benefit is that while the parents ultimately make the decisions, the children can feel as though they’ve been heard, which makes for happier households for everyone involved.

The information in this article is merely a guide and not a full explanation of the law. This firm cannot take responsibility for any action readers take based on this information. When making decisions that could affect your legal rights, please contact us for professional advice.

Joshua Noble is an Accredited Family Law Specialist and Senior Associate at Zande Law, 3/15 Middle Street, Cleveland. To contact Joshua for advice, phone 07 3385 0999.

Next Article: The Changes Are Coming: How to let the kids have their say